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Decisions and guilt

Years ago when I was younger and still living with my parents, I used to get affected greatly by what others said about me. I was even weary of what other people might think of me which gave me anxiety and a sense of uselessness. I was the recipient of a lot of criticism and I'll explain why.

I was a high performing athlete so I was exposed to the crowds, the press and the sports circle. This however made me vulnerable with my family too as they didn't always accept that sports was my passion and they thought I should slow down. I felt unsupported and alone while I was making all the wrong decisions as the advice I was receiving didn't resonate with me.

I was a good athlete and a good daughter but people close to me, including my family, kept pushing me to become better. It somehow felt that whatever I was doing wasn't good enough. Other people's views were dominating my decisions and guiding my life. Their expectations were robbing me of standing on my own two feet.

Until I decided I had enough and took my life in my own hands. I had the clarity to understand this was not working for me. So after I had my first child and divorced from my ex-husband, I moved to the U.K. permanently. I studied for a postgraduate degree, I married again, I made some more good friends, I had another baby, I bought another house and I found a good job.

I started living my life on my own terms, exploring the possibilities that were available by trial and error and finding what best suited me. I stopped listening to what others thought was best for me, not because I was in my ego but because I wanted to take ownership of my actions. I didn't want to blame anyone for my mistakes nor give them credit for my successes.

Now I am guilt-free to a great extent. I make my own decisions and I forge my own path in life. All my accomplishments are mine to enjoy and share as I wish and with whom I wish and all my failures are mine to make me stronger and wiser. I allow myself time to process other people's words and thoughts. I keep only what I find useful and discard what doesn't serve me.

Family and friends are the most important thing I have in my life. They are my anchor and they give me strength to carry on. Nobody's perfect though so I choose to accept what they have to offer me. Whether I use and embrace it, it's totally different.


P.S. Next free yoga class coming up next Saturday morning so please contact me here for the details. Donations are always welcome here and you can see my services, including a SPECIAL OFFER, here. Namaste.

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